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" FB Jokes "



  • FACT: Kissing burns 5.4 calories a minute…… Ummm, wanna work out?

  • Whatever you do always give 100% ….. Unless you are donating blood :)

  • I’m not weird. I’m limited edition.

  • I never let my best friend do stupid things … alone.

  • We are best friends. Always remember that if you fall, I will pick you up …….. after I finish laughing :)

  • I did in the bed. I did it on the couch. I did it in the car. Texting is such an obsession. :)

  • Brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.

  • Don’t steal, don’t lie and don’t cheat. The government hates competition.

  • How to sleep faster: Decorate your bedroom to look like a classroom.

  • Dear parents, we know money doesn’t grow on trees, that’s why we are asking you for it.

  • I’m not stalker. I am an unpaid private investigator.

  • I have a date tonight, with my bed. We are totally gonna sleep together.

  • Instead of single as a marital status, it should read independently, owned and operated :)

  • Congratulations … You are the 100th person to view my status. To see your prize please click Control + W.

  • Viagra is now available in powder form to put in your tea. It does not enhance your performance but it does stop your biscuit going soft. Lolz

  • I really need a day in between Saturday and Sunday :)

  • Laughing is the best medicine but if you are laughing for no reason, you need medicine.

  • Question of the Day: When you wait for a waiter in a restaurant, aren’t you a waiter?

  • Death is God’s way of saying you are fired. Suicide is humans way of saying, I quit.

  • My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it. Lolz

  • There are only two kinds of people in this world: Doctors and Patients :)

  • Boyfriend: Do you think my salary is sufficient for you? Girlfriend: It’s sufficient for me but how will you survive?

  • I don’t always lose my phone but when I do its always on silent :)

  • We love Facebook but we hate the face of book.

  • Dear math, Im not therapist so solve your own problems.

  • Today’s Joke! A Girl said …….. TRUST ME :)

  • The 3 fastest means of communication: telephone, television and tell a woman.

  • I’m not sure how much longer I can hide the fact that I’m a robot.

  • You wanna see a perfect relationship? Watch a movie. Lolz

  • Dear Facebook, Just wait, one day they will leave you too. Sincerely, ORKUT

  • Men are like buses. One comes every 15 minutes.

  • The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.

  • My wifi suddenly stop working then I realized that my neighbors have not paid the bill. How irresponsible people are.

  • Insert coin to view my status messages.

  • Did anyone ever notice that “STUDYING” is a mixture of STUDY and DYING?

  • Perfect boyfriend : Does not drink, does not smoke, does not cheat and also Does not exist :P

  • Facebook is the second most popular word that starts with ‘F’ and ends with ‘K’ :)

  • You dont realise how many clothes you have, until you wash them.

  • Never make the same mistake twice. There are so many new ones to make.

  • You have lot of curves and I have no brakes ;)

  • I haven’t slept for ten days, bcoz that would be too long.

  • Bitch also stands for beautiful, intelligent, talented and charming human being.

  • Why do U think I SMS You? Is it because I care? Or I miss You? Or I love You? Or I need You? No ! It’s because I need a person for just time pass. :)

  • If at first you don’t succeed, cheat, repeat until caught, and then lie!

  • I was good at math before they decided to mix the alphabet in it.

  • The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

  • Sometimes at home I talk in my sleep, but at school I sleep while others are talking.

  • I don’t understand how Super Mario can smash blocks with his head but dies when he touches a turtle.

  • A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.

  • Taking revenge is wrong… very very wrong… But very very fun…

  • Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It’s not fair that some men should be happier than others.

  • A hot secretary came angrily out Of boss cabin. Her colleague asked: What Happened? You went inside in a happy mood. She replied: He asked me are you free tonight? I said absolutely free. That bastard gave me 45 pages to type!

  • They say that alcohol kills slowly. So what? Who’s in a hurry?

  • Hey, you have eyes, I have eyes, we have a lot in common!

  • Men are like parking spaces; The good ones are taken, and the only ones left are handicapped.

  • You can’t put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories.

  • Some people talk in their sleep. Lecturers talk while other people sleep.

  • I promised my friends that I wouldn’t date bad girls anymore.

  • I heard you took an IQ test and they said you’re results were negative.

  • Save a horse, ride a cowboy.

  • Please help the homeless. Take me home with you.

  • My parents told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!” so I turned on the subtitles.

  • Insert coin to view my status message.

  • If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.

  • I thinks my neighbor just caught me stealing his Wi-Fi internet.

  • It’s funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. It’s like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.

  • Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner. :)

  • Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!

  • I want you to have a candle-lit dinner and say those magical three words to you ………… “Pay The bill”

  • My friend wants to know if you think I’m hot.

  • Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?

  • Excuse me, if I go straight this way, will I be able to reach your heart?

  • Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?

  • Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.

  • Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.

  • God must love stupid people. He made SO many.

  • Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

  • If Facebook is like dating, then Twitter is like a one night stand – it’s fun while you’re doing it, you finish in like 5 minutes, and you feel real cheap afterwards.

  • Lary is wondering if they could invent a self cleaning oven, why can’t they invent a self cleaning house?
  • If vegetarians eat only vegetables, what about humanitarians?

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